February 12, 2017, 8:20 pm
I live kind of close to a lake. Like, it's a two-minute drive.
This weekend, we took the kids out there because it's been dry here for a long time and the lake is really low, so you can walk around and crunch the mussel shells with your boots—it's a deceptively satisfying thing to do, even for my vegan wife.
And the kids love it.
As the kids are running all over the place, splashing with the dogs in the water, I notice a shiny object in the sand, and like a squirrel, I'm immediately drawn to it. So as I approach it, it becomes clear that the object is a pistol. At first, I think it's a toy pistol, but as I get closer, it's clearly a real pistol.
I need to reiterate here that for most of the year, water is covering the part of the lake that we were walking on. So someone has thrown this pistol into the lake.
There aren't many non-criminal reasons for someone to throw a pistol in the lake, so I grab the pistol and call the cops. Before I can finish my conversation with the dispatcher, game wardens show up and I ask the dispatcher if I can just give the gun to them. They agree, so I do.
Turns out, the pistol is a six-hundred-dollar model. Stainless steel and all.
And, by the way, it's loaded.
So the cops are going to run checks on it and ballistics on it, and if it's been used in a crime, they'll keep it as evidence. If they can't find that it's linked to a crime, I'll get it back, at which point I will frame it, because even if they can't link it to a crime, it totally was used in a crime. I mean, why else would someone throw a very expensive pistol in the lake? It's not like it was in a deep part of the lake, so it didn't drop out of a boat, someone stood on the shore and threw it in.
I'll keep you posted as this story possibly develops, because I'd love to think I discovered a murder weapon.