March 17, 2017, 6:18 pm
I have a lot of vehicles. I have a Mercedes Benz, a Jeep Wrangler, a Ram 2500 MegaCab, an MGB and a Kawasaki motorcycle.
I said all that to say this: Never feel like you're safe from breakdowns.
My tragedy starts last month, when I was returning from Oklahoma City with my wife after the funeral of my cousin's grandson. A bit of debris from a semi slammed into my Mercedes, shattering the windshield, breaking the bumper, ripping up pieces of the air conditioner and other bits inside the car and generally costing Geico a lot of money.
So my car is in the shop getting all that junk fixed. No problem, I have a pickup truck. An enormous, gas-guzzling pickup. And I've been driving that for a couple of weeks now. Last week, my driver's side front tire exploded on the highway and ripped out the fender well, also ripping out my head light and denting up my fender. Sorry, Geico. So I decide to keep the truck out of the shop until my car is done, because the MGB is old and needs a water pump, and the weather isn't quite consistent enough for me to ride my motorcycle yet. And the Jeep is my wife's transportation.
Today, I pull in to Walmart to get a few things, and when I get back, the truck won't start. It'll crank just fine, but it won't fire up, even though it tries a few times. So now I'm thinking maybe the blown up tire has done something to a fuel line that I wasn't anticipating.
Whatever. I have the truck towed home and I can't figure out what's wrong with it, so now, vehicle-rich me is down to stealing my wife's Jeep until I can get my car out of the shop so I can take my truck to the shop to figure out what's wrong with it and get it fixed.
Everything just cascades. You think you're safe with a deep bench of vehicles, but you're really not.
I blame the Obama White House for wiretapping me.